Useless. Really?

"Useless. I don't tell many people but, I'm feeling like I'm no good, cause I don't have any job. Like I'm a wasteful space, and unloved."

I ask, "Who would say that?"

"Who would tell me that?" Her face lightens. Laughter came. "Yeah. Who would?" Our eyes met, Compassion connects.

Which voice do we lean towards? When life seems empty. Worn.

Trials of time, trials of situation, churn.

Eventually depositing invitations to be still. Know God is.

Have time? Check out Psalm 46:
 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2046&version=NIV

There is a River

There is a River that winds over pebbles

Leaving currents of sand

And bits of leaves

Feeding

Small Creatures

There is a River that calls come

All who are weary

Broken

Thirsty

Come

All creatures large and small

Cup your hands 

Drink

Drink from the everlasting River

Open your mouths

Refreshment is near

Into stillness

Wade in

Shatter spears

Lower the shield

Reflect on Still waters

For there is a River who streams make glad the people of God.

In stillness one finds strength

The spinning rear tractor wheel sat 12 inches deep in the putrid soil. I was stuck.  Endeavoring to dump freshly-cut grass I had driven onto a pile of supposedly dry grass clippings only to sink into sludge. I added dry straw. No go. My daughter hopped on to drive while I pushed. The wheel spun faster descending down into the pit. Black goo coated the tire. How was I going to finish mowing before Mother's day?

My neighbor came over, "Becky I think I could pull your tractor out if you could find a rope the size of my finger."

Rummaging through the garage I grabbed a tow rope. He suggested I find the hitch in the rear of the tractor, finding it I slid the S ring through the hole handing him the other end of the rope.  We connected the tractors. His advice continued, "Put your mower blade up. Gently excel backwards. We don't want to have the tractors run into one another! Straighten your front wheel." After following each recommendation my tractor moved leaving the sinking slime.

Smiling I yelled, "Thanks Tim!"

I continued mowing thinking, "Tim is a good neighbor."

We've been neighbors for fifteen years, I wondered, "Have I been a good neighbor?"

I recalled listening to the story of Tim's son's first successful bear hunt. I remembered praying for Tim after his sister's death, yet there was an inward nagging question, "Have I been a good neighbor?"

I recalled our miniature schnauzer creeping up on Tim early in the morning. Tim had bent down to pick up the morning paper, our twelve pound dog slunk to the edge of the property line letting out an alarming snarling bark.  Tim stood up quickly, grasping his chest, inhaling deep. My dog wasn't neighborly.

I no longer let the schnauzer out at the same time Tim gets the paper.

Surprise it's Jesus

Prayed today. Jesus picked me up as a father carries a sleepy toddler, tucking me into bed, giving me a peck on the cheek while pulling the sheets all the way up to my chin.  Refreshed by a short nap, we sat down at a small round table for conversation and tea. As we were talking two armored soilders appeared with gigantic swords fighting behind Jesus. They weren't invited to the tea party! It was supposed to be Jesus and me. What kind of peace am I to have if a sword fight is going to begin? Clang. Clash. Loud metal racket invaded the scene. I wondered,"Are the fighters here to kill me?" Who are the fighters? Are they angels fighting demons? Exactly what's up with the sword fight?

As I pondered the unexpected scene, one of the swords pierced through towards me, sticking in the back of Jesus. I thought,"Woa that blow is deadly." The words came, "Becky, I've already died for you."

The knife in the back didn't cause concern to Jesus. Jesus nudged his shoulders up deflecting the sword. Ignoring the fighters, he gazed at me as a mother snuggles with her new born baby.

 The clanging swords continued.

A Secret Garden

Psst. I have a secret. Not a bad creepy secret. Its the type of secret you can't wait to tell a best friend. Or better yet a secret you can't wait to have them experience. Thursday I took a hike down to Shenk's Ferry Wildflower Preserve. Every spring, before the tree leaves unfold, the blooms open for a few short weeks giving bursts of varied colors from jungle green, muted pinks, to deep blue. For flower labelers the Trillium, Trout Lilly, Dutchman Breeches, Virginia Bluebells are flourishing. Invitingly beautiful, I sought my hand at clicking the camera. The flower on the left is a Trout Lilly, named for its speckled trout-like leaf. This little flower is easily overlooked due to its varied movement. No it doesn't run away! In the morning and evening the blossom closes tightly. Late morning it begins the show of magenta stamen, sort of like sticking out a red tongue, by afternoon the blossom curls completely backward.

Trout Lilly

Next up are some fiddle head ferns, I've heard black bears enjoy this as  a tasty treat. Basically string bean-ish, I've eaten the less hairy variety or perhaps one could say, I've chewed and chewed on it. Eventually it was swallowed.  

Fiddle Head Ferns

Every time I walk in the Garden new things are learned, for fellow explorers eagerly share, "Did you see the red Trillium by the stream?"

(Nope, never seen red ones, only white.)

"How about the Hepaticus, named due to its liver shaped leaves, by the tree trunk?"

(Yep! I know exactly where to find it.)

At the end of the mile is a tunnel with cool water running just waiting to cool off your feet. The Secret is out.

Dutchman Breeches named for its similarity to pants on a clothes line.

Trillium

Tunnel ending

Hungry Jesus

Telling a fig tree to die isn't logical. Why throw power around by killing a tree that wasn't in season to have fruit?

What's the deal?

In the Bible there is a story about Jesus going to the temple.  He looks around, its late, afterward the author notes: Jesus is hungry! Checking out a fruitless fig tree for nourishment, finding leaves but no fruit Jesus says, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again."


Don't mess with hungry Jesus.

Continuing the narrative: Jesus is at the Jerusalem temple driving out people, not just any people but the buyers and the sellers, turning over tables of the merchants and the dove benches. Hungry Jesus is peeved. "My house shall be called a house of prayer for all nations."  Jesus' big vision of all nations called to prayer seems to be short circuited, right smack in Jerusalem.

Intertwining the two stories birthed mental fruit flies. What is going on here?

Doves, an inexpensive cleansing sin or burnt offering, were to aid the poor in connecting to God. Strangers and the poor are not to be a source of monetary gain, yet it was happening. Unfaithful trading practices built walls away from prayer, away from God.

Jesus deals physically with this problem.  In my humanity I wonder: Could it be Jesus was sweating through His God call of becoming the final dove and lamb sacrifice?  Wouldn't that call of God cause one to exercise through authority, exerting muscle power? Jesus' call upsets the unfruitful basket by rejecting the current practices to God's law through the utilization of his own body.

The fruit tree withers from the roots up, dove benches are turned over.

 Jesus withered a corrupt system from the roots up. Dead fig tree becomes a symbol. Jesus will be dying too, withering on a cross. Bringing completion to the sacrificial system. Jesus the dove and lamb sacrifice gives complete always and forever cleansing.  This sacrifice brings always and forever forgiveness, not just a little bit. But everything needed according to God! Jesus died and after three days lived again. Time to eat some good fruit.


^{From the New Testament book of Hebrews:} As a priest, Christ made a single sacrifice for sins, and that was it! Then he sat down right beside God and waited for his enemies to cave in. It was a perfect sacrifice by a perfect person to perfect some very imperfect people. By that single offering, he did everything that needed to be done for everyone who takes part in the purifying process. The Holy Spirit confirms this: 

   This new plan I'm making with Israel
      isn't going to be written on paper,
      isn't going to be chiseled in stone;
   This time "I'm writing out the plan in them,
      carving it on the lining of their hearts."
He concludes,
   I'll forever wipe the slate clean of their sins.^{Once sins are taken care of for good, there's no longer any need to offer sacrifices for them.} 

When will I see?

I saw my dad the other day during a cycling session in the YMCA, it's one of those 45 minute classes where you sit or stand on a stationary bike burning 500 calories as the instructor says, "Add resistance, go! Make the hill.  Down the hill. Take it to 35 mph. Keep the pace. Stand up for 15, in the saddle for 15, up for 15. Add on!"

Are you sweating yet?

As a class we were climbing a hill of resistance, each of us with muscles twitching, (<<< ahem >>> my legs were burning!) I closed my eyes. In my mind I saw a finish line. Surprising me my dad was waiting, standing tall at 6 foot 4. I heard him yelling for me, "Becky! You can do it." Beside him was Aunt Florence and Aunt Eleanor, even his Mom, my Grandma was there, right behind the yellow ribbon stretching over the finish line.

My eyes fixed on them. A multitude was joining in the encouragement. Spinning faster my eyes still shut, sweat dripping,  I wondered, "What are you all doing here? Am I going to die while in spinning class?" I reached the top of the hill thinking, "I made it!"

Opening my eyes vanished the cheering section. Yet encouragement remained.

The episode reminded me of a paragraph from the New Testament:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Can't wait to see them again!